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Home Archive for April 2016






On day two of our road trip, we headed to Big Sur. It's roughly a 1 hour 45 minute drive from San Simeon. The two way road on Highway One is incredibly scenic -- however it is also very twisty and narrow, so take an anti-nausea pill before you head out if you're sensitive like I am!

Big Sur is a must for nature lovers. In fact, when I think of the word "wanderlust," I immediately envision Big Sur. There aren't any strip malls, large gas stations, or typical offices around. Instead, you're surrounded by the Pacific Ocean on one side and a dense forest of trees and waterfalls on the other side. It's a raw gem.

Our first stop {and one of the highlights of Big Sur} was to see McWay Falls at the Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park. It's that view you see on Instagram all the time -- you know, the classic Big Sur postcard shot. Unfortunately, our shot wasn't as "Instagram worthy" due to the gloom and rainy weather. It was gorgeous in person though!


People say that you aren't allowed to go on the beach, but we saw some writings ("MICHAEL JACKSON" and "JESUS LOVES YOU") and rather large footsteps in the sand! 




Big Sur became to be a retreat for artists and writers in the 50s and 60s. These days, latter-day hippies and city-dwellers alike visit Big Sur to recharge their energy and to self-reflect. It's kind easy to see why people are drawn to this place.

If you ever have a chance to visit the Hearst Castle, I beg you you to drive the ten extra minutes to Piedras Blancas and see these elephant seals for yourself. They are incredibly fun to watch, and I personally think they are so cute! 







Around April of every year, females and juveniles arrive to Piedras Blancas to begin the molt (a period of time to begin new skin and hair). Since these mammals spend much of their time in the ocean, they renew their blood circulation on air/on land around April to May of every year and shed their old skin and hair. I saw a lot of them throwing sand on themselves and I only found out later that they do this to keep themselves cool with the cold sand and to relieve the itching from the molt process. 
My husband and I have been discussing our hopes of starting a family soon. I know it's something we both want, but it's something we have to be very cautious about, considering my depression and anxiety. 

Having found a treatment option that works for me right now, I question how I will cope with my condition without medication, if we were to be pregnant now. I even worry that I won't be a good mother with my depression and anxiety. What if it is genetic, and I end up passing it onto our future child? There is also the possibility that we just aren't able to conceive. 


Ugh, Anxiety overload. 

We are going to wait a little bit longer until I feel comfortable enough to gradually taper off the medication. We haven't really told anyone else about our hopes and plans for our pregnancy because personally I feel like it's a lot of pressure to put on ourselves {especially me} if for whatever reason we cannot become pregnant. Besides, I feel that it's no one's business but ours.


But I guess it's the elephant in the room and people will ask, regardless.

There's this older lady around our neighborhood that walks her labrador retriever. We usually exchange niceties and have been pleasant with one another. Not too long ago, she asked, "So did you already have the baby?" Startled, I replied, "What baby?" At this point, I think she knew she put her foot in her mouth, but she continued, "Oh, my daughter thought you were pregnant recently so..."

In other words, her daughter thought I had a belly. I was hurt, because it's been a while since I was publicly body shamed. I suddenly felt self conscious and wrapped myself up in my jacket. Additionally, what if I had been pregnant, but had a miscarriage and was grieving? Or I wasn't able to conceive, and her words were like salt in the wound? Or, I could just be the type that doesn't want to have children and am perfectly happy with that and don't want to be called fat. I felt like telling her "It's none of your damn business," but I ended up responding, "I guess I can lose a few pounds to avoid that misconception from now on. To answer your question, I've never been pregnant." As soon as I got home, I wept.

There's this lady at work, too, that will ask me when I'm planning to have kids from time to time. I just respond with a vague, "We'll see." Then she will look at me up and down, taking a long look at my stomach, and will say things like "You will love being a mother! Just you wait." Sigh. I'm sure it's coming from a "good" heart (and also being nosy, if I'm being pessimistic), but I wish she'd just drop it after many awkward times we've had to say the same things to each other over and over.

I've felt pressures from my family to "hurry up and get pregnant already," as well.

If I mention I am not feeling well and am dizzy, people automatically speculate that I am pregnant. Other women {some mere acquaintances} have come up to me and said, "You know, when I was your age I already had two children."

People, bottom line is, don't ask someone if they are pregnant or prod on to ask, "So when are you guys going to have a baby?" It may seem like an innocent and "natural" thing to ask a lady, especially a married woman, but it's actually really personal. You don't know what that person is going through, and true -- you wouldn't know until you asked if they didn't share it with you already-- but what difference does it make on your personal life whether you knew another couple is pregnant, trying, or whatever? Just. Don't. Ask. The same goes for unwarranted advice or "friendly encouragements." Please stop with the body shaming, age shaming, and the condescending/insensitive remarks. Save yourself some embarrassment and awkward silences. Until the person opens up the discussion on her own, keep your thoughts to yourself.

Being Japanese-American, a lot of my peers in my grade school years automatically assumed that my favorite food was sushi, that I would be a math wiz, and my hobby would be to do origami. Well, most of that is not true, although I do enjoy quality sushi for a special occasion! But truth be told, I am horrible at using chopsticks (like...the worst. It's quite embarrassing), and I've only recently developed a taste for wasabi. I did fine in math and science but my favorite subjects were social studies and language arts. I don't know how to fold any origami by heart, and the end product doesn't come out nearly as neat as my mom could ever fold them. 



Although I am not very good with origami, I tried my hand with them in hopes that Jane from Winding Ridge Lane can use them towards the 1000 cranes she is making and collecting for her 17 year-old cocker spaniel, Piri. Piri was diagnosed with kidney disease two years ago and more recently, he has been diagnosed with cancer. Jane began folding cranes to follow the legend with the hopes of exchanging one wish for 1000 cranes.

We are all rooting for you, sweet pup! Stay strong. 


I wrote a brief post in November about my experience with depression and anxiety. I meant to share more about it on my blog, because I think mental health is a very important topic that does not get discussed enough in society. But every time I sat in front of a computer to try to write about my condition and experience, my mind went blank and my fingers hovered still over the keyboard. Months and months passed.

This feeling reminded me of a poem I came across a few years ago:

"I wanted to write down 
exactly what I felt
but somehow the 
paper stayed empty

and I could not have
described it any better."

-wtm

I'm going to take a short break from my Coastal California travel posts today because I feel like I can finally share my story. But where do I even begin?


If I'm being honest with myself, I think I've had bouts of depression since I was about 17, and felt a tremendous amount of anxiety in college. But I treated them as "a part of life" and was in denial that I might have a mental illness. And perhaps it was just teenage angst. It came and went, and I never sought any professional treatment. That is, until last year.

As I mentioned briefly in November, work stress spilled over to my personal life and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. For the most part, I enjoy my work and the people I work with. However, when it rains it pours. Near the end of August, my colleague from another office quit, and various people were assigned to her tasks while the administration searched for a replacement. The problem is, no one knew how to do the work that my ex-colleague did, so we were all clueless and scrambling. Also, while some people were assigned duties, they were soon released from said duties because they weren't "capable enough" to handle them. So guess who got stuck with the big bulk of my ex-colleague's duties? Yep, yours truly! Oh, and while this is going on, of course, I had to meet my own deadlines for my own job too.

Everyday, I felt like I had been treading the ocean waves for hours on end and was about to drown. But somehow, I was washed up on shore, only to be dragged back into the ocean again to start the same cycle the next morning. I felt like I had to keep a facade that everything was fine, in part to avoid others from worrying about me, but also for my own sake to not wallow in self-pity. Of course, holding things in can actually make things worse. As soon as I got home, I would head straight to our bedroom and sleep, skipping dinner. I was unable to focus on what people were saying to me, and had difficulty waking up in the mornings although I slept for well over 10 hours straight some nights. During the weekends and weeknights, I turned away invitations to see my friends or family because even the thought of getting out of bed gave me panic attacks. Listening to music had always been a treat for me, yet during this time I preferred absolute silence. I didn't want to and did not have the energy to watch TV, read books, go shopping, or cook. The only person I was able to be 100% honest about my condition was my husband, although I felt incredibly disappointed in myself that I was causing him to worry about me.

Two different doctors highly encouraged me to take a stress leave from work, but I declined. There was too much social stigma attached to a leave of absence due to a mental illness. I worried about how I would be treated after I returned from the medical leave. At the same time, as stupid as this may sound, I felt a sense of strong responsibility that people were counting on me and I couldn't let them down. It was a lot of pressure that I put on myself. I was drained, both physically and mentally. I even thought of suicide, although I never acted on it. 

The scary thing about depression and anxiety is that it can affect anyone, at anytime -- even someone who might seemingly "have it all." It might be genetic, or perhaps it's due to trauma/stressful life events, or both --which can cause a chemical inbalance in your body. It can affect your ability to work, sleep, eat, and enjoy life. You might be feeling extremely sad and then irritable soon after, and then washed over with guilt. Or have a panic attack and behave erratically. Or perhaps, just numb. These episodes can come on suddenly, like an unannounced (and unwelcome) visitor. It's something that can be difficult to explain to others -- because 1) it's not a visible illness, and 2) you yourself might be perplexed as to why you're feeling the way you are -- and it's very hurtful when people say things like, "Just snap out of it;" "You should be happy and thankful for everything you have in your life!;" or "You have a weak mind. Just change your outlook."

Symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as the severity of them, can vary from person to person. You might just have it once, or it might be something that will be with you for a lifetime. There are even different types of depression and anxiety. Treatment options will vary too. For me, I tried Prozac and while it might work wonders for others, I hated the way I felt while I was on it (completely numb and unemotional). Now I'm taking a different medication that treats anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, and it's been helpful so far. I also engage in routine therapy sessions. I started doing yoga to help with breathing techniques and to ease my anxiety. I've also been more open these days to my friends and family about my condition and have accepted that not everyone will understand what I'm going through, because I can't understand everything they are going through either. I've also made it clear to my supervisors what my limits are from here on out and am glad that they are listening, and understand some things are simply beyond their powers as well.

If you or anyone you know may be showing signs of depression and/or anxiety, I urge you to not be dismissive. Society has taught us that it's taboo to speak about mental illnesses, but I think it's a really important discussion to have. There are ways to get the help you need. Self love is love.



The Hearst Castle indoor pool was our last stop before we hopped on the bus to get back to the visitor's center, and my, this is indeed my favorite space at the Hearst Castle. It is modeled after the ancient Roman Baths, complete with marble sculptures of Greek deities, marble pool ladder, and detailed mosaic tiles. It is, in one word, breathtaking.

 

Not pictured, but worth stating: on top of this pool is a tennis court. Seriously, if I was lucky enough to be one of Hearst's guests to stay at this Estate back in the day, I imagine it would've felt like I was constantly in a dream. Kinda reminds me of a modern day take on the story of urashima taro, a Japanese folklore.



This is the Gothic Study, nearby his master bedroom that Hearst worked from. Hearst was born into wealth, but he made his own fortune as well. He was a media tycoon. He is best known for publishing the largest chain of American newspapers in the 19th century. He also ventured into motion pictures with a newsreel and a film company.


Side note: Citizen Kane is said to be based loosely on the rise and fall of William Randolph Hearst. Hearst was undoubtedly not happy.

This is Hearst's master bedroom.

It's said that he was not religious, but he loved religious relics and art. It is said that he was particularly drawn to the image of the "Madonna and Child" -- a reoccurring theme that you will find throughout the Estate.



Each of these panels of art in this ceiling were said to be removed from "The House of Jews" in Spain and retrofitted and restored for Hearst.


Above, Hearst's walk-in closet.


And lastly, his master bathroom. The tour guide stated that these were very modern bathrooms at the time of construction. I think it's pretty clear to say that Hearst loved to show off his opulence -- these are two-toned marbled panels.



The Celestial Room is located on the fourth floor of the Estate’s main building. It has three balconies looking out over the California’s Central Coast, the Pacific Ocean, and thousands of acres of the Hearst Estate. At one point, it was an open-air room, but glass was put up later. Famed journalist Hedda Hopper used to favor this room, and said she felt like she was in a “golden jewel box.”



Again, in love with the ceilings!




Ahh, the library {insert heart emoji here}. Doesn't it look like a room that would be in Hogwarts?


Like the guestrooms, I was in awe and in love with the ceilings in this room. Like, how can I get a ceiling like this? What's the process? Does it make any difference in terms of sound echoing and bouncing around the walls when multiple people are talking? Side note: we had to keep our voices to a minimum and only could speak one at a time or whisper, so I couldn't tell if the shapes of the ceilings made any difference to the projection of sounds.



I think this is the one room that I just tuned out the tour guide completely because  I was so awestruck with the space. I know, the style is very excessive and ornate...and typically I'm more of a mid-century modern gal, but it's just amazing the amount of work the craftsmen put into this place to make everything by hand.

“Miss Morgan, we are tired of camping out in the open at the ranch in San Simeon and I would like to build a little something.” - William Randolph Hearst



Well, "a little something" turned into a grand estate! With over 50 bedrooms and nearly 20 entertaining rooms, it was clear that William Randolph Hearst loved to host his famous friends.




Each of the guestrooms we viewed was unique with ornate features. William Randolph Hearst and his architect Julia Morgan paid an homage to the various architectural styles from Europe that William was inspired by during his travels there as a child. Oh, did I mention that he traveled around Europe for 18 months with his mother as a child? Baller.


Anyway, take a look at these gorgeous rooms and tell me you wouldn't want to spend the night there! Ugh, I'm in love with all of the ornate details in these rooms -- especially the ceilings! How I would have loved to be one of his Old Hollywood friends back in the hey day.
My husband and I recently took a short road trip up the coast of California. Our first stop was the Hearst Castle in San Simeon, CA. It's roughly a 4.5 hour drive from Los Angeles.

 


Hearst Castle was once owned by William Randolph Hearst. He inherited over 250K acres of land from his father and together with his architect Julia Morgan, they began building his dream home in 1919. Over a span of nearly three decades, the Hearst Castle grew to include 165 rooms, various gardens, terraces, an outdoor pool, and even an indoor pool.




It is one of the grandest of homes I have ever witnessed (aside from the Palace of Versailles). It is truly a breathtaking jewel.


 

Today, the Hearst Castle is a registered California State Park. To visit, you would have to decide on which tour you'd like to take -- The Grand Rooms tour, Upstair Suites tour, Cottages & Kitchens tour, or the Evening tour. The Grand Rooms tour is recommended for first time visitors, but my husband and I took the Upstairs Suites tour because we wanted to see the library and guestrooms. Another advantage about the Upstairs Suites tour is that it only allows a maximum of 14 guests per the hour time slot, whereas the Grand Rooms tour allows a maximum of 25 guests. I liked that it was less crowded for our tour.

Once you purchase your ticket (advance purchase is highly recommended as they tend to sell out very quickly), you can view the 40 minute movie in the IMAX theater about William Randolph Hearst's history to get the backstory of how the estate came about.

Lastly, you will board a 15 minute bus ride on a windy road up to the top of the hill to reach the estate grounds! Your tour guide should be waiting for you as you descend the bus.

More posts about the interiors and various rooms to follow :)
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Hi there! My husband and I are newlyweds :) We adopted our beagle, Louie, in 2011. This blog allows me to chronicle our lives together as a family. Thank you for stopping by!
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